Getting Serious

I've been debating how I want to do this blog. What kind of mood I want to set and so on. Of course I want it to be fun and witty, but there is something serious I want to address/share with you as my reader and fellow human beings.

Invisible illnesses... people live with them every day and the lack of compassion and understanding people receive is something I cannot fathom. Simply for the fact "you don't look sick." I care for a 5 year old boy that clearly has ticks that to me are alarming, but the parents, school system, etc. choose to turn a blind eye to him. Simply because "he doesn't appear to have anything wrong with him."

Over the years I've struggled with unexplained pain in various joints. Not long after I turned 23 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Sadly, something I was already all too familiar with, as my mother suffers from this terrible "invisible illness". If you were to ask my friends what Fibro is they'd recite something that sounds much like a prescription drug commercial "it's symptoms of overactive nerves". No, that's not what it is. What that describes is Myofacial pain also labeled by rude doctors as "all in your head". Something many ill informed doctors and neurologists label as Fibro, simply because they do not know any better. Most people I have learned do not have Fibro but rather this nerve issue. Which is genuinely excruciating.

I often get asked "what is Fibromyalgia" by my friends and acquaintances that look longingly as if they are looking receive some black and white answer. Usually trying to avoid some lengthy slew of impossible things to explain I'll come up with some snarky response such as "Trying to explain Fibro is like trying to explain Lupus or Autism... there's too many factors.. it effects everyone differently..." It is almost disturbing how satisfying this response is to most. But it keeps me from having to put thought in to my and many others daily struggle. But who is that really helping? How does leaving others in the dark aid in understanding that sometimes you're just not physically capable of being up to it or that in reality every day you hurt like hell?

As you read this keep in mind... I do not want your pity... I am merely here to educate you in hopes that maybe you'll be a little more understanding to those that do not "appear sick". I am okay with my inner demon, this "disease".

So? What is Fibromyalgia? Well it has a lot of possible symptoms, some people have all of them others have only a few, but they all progressively get worse. I'll start off with the basics it's nerve pain, joint pain, fatigue and frequent headaches. Sounds simple enough right? Now lets add insomnia, mood swings, and depression.... well those things aren't related to overactive nerves? Of course not because "Myofacial pain" is just one part of the Fibro equation. Now add stiffness, lack of mobility... Sounds to me like a vague description of a zombie. That is how I tend to feel, as if I am something straight out of some B movie zombie flick.

..... Buuuuuuut what does it feel like? What does it feel like to have Fibro? (insert deer in the headlights look and exaggerated blinking)

Well.... like I said it's different for everyone. But we all hurt like no normal healthy person could possibly begin to fathom without some insane scenarios. So lets begin to break this down.

It's morning... time to rise and shine, but you already know that. Chances are you just watched the sun come up because you haven't actually slept. It was the usual; couldn't get comfortable, tossed and turned all night, dozing off to either awake from a night terror or sharp searing pain running through your back or some other appendage. Your eyes are heavy and your body doesn't just ache, it hurts. You feel like you just spent the night boxing Mike Tyson only to be run over by an 18 wheeler. (Sounds pleasant right?) Your back is going to be the worst. Have you ever laid on a really hard surface, like a hardwood floor, or a slab of concrete just to have accidentally dozed off? You know that throbbing ache and stiffness you felt as you tried to get up. Congratulations! You now know how it feels when you wake up every morning with Fibro. Keep in mind though, you're still laying in bed. Now it's time to get up. You slowly pry yourself off the mattress, placing your feet on the floor, you stand up like some slow moving cryptic creature. Chances are your spouse is running circles around you trying to get ready for work, tend to the little ones, or the pets. (insert self loathing because you're feeling pretty useless)

Alright! You're out of bed! A gold star earned for your will power and triumphant feat. Smile because you just made the biggest accomplishment of your day, since you really had no desire to move. You get dressed, which takes everything you have and make your way to eat something. I usually have little desire to eat something but I do anyways. I'm a naturopathic health freak so I eat some "clean food" and follow it with an herbal, vitamin, mineral regiment to ease some of my daily symptoms. I refuse to take the ridiculous drugs out on the market, I think Fibro is bad enough... cancer, stroke, liver and kidney failure, and so on does not sound appealing to me. I might hurt all over but I would rather live than die from side effects of some crazy pharmaceutical. Ginko for improved circulation, magnesium to relax my muscles, omegas and so on. Honestly, most days it makes me feel like a "normal" person to some degree.  Now that you're done choking down all the little things to ease your symptoms, you can face your day.

Before we continue on I should address what severe nerve pain feels like. Have you ever really whacked your elbow hard off something? Right in the nerve? Say off the corner of a table, counter, or cabinet? You know that nauseating pain that shoots through your arm? Picture that all over your body. Living with Fibro makes you excellent at the practice of "Mind over Matter". You learn to block that pain out... for the most part. Stupid things that shouldn't hurt, cause you pain such as your dog jumping on you, or someone grabbing your arm. But you have something slam in to your leg, well mind over matter and continue on.

On a good day living with Fibro the most daunting task will be the first hour you are awake. Getting out of bed, getting moving. Once you're moving you can block everything out and power through your day. But chances are by 6-7pm you'll be feeling it.

But, lets say I'm having an off day. I'm extremely fatigued, zero energy when I wake up. However, errands need to be run, groceries need to be stocked. I start to gain some energy after eating breakfast. I get in my vehicle but I must toss a pair of dark sunglasses on for your eyes are a nerve and today photo-sensitivity is an issue. (You make mental note that chances are you're going to end up with a migraine or at the very least a headache.) Check the glove box for some Aleve or Advil. You make a mental list of the necessities you need because you're already moving like the undead and now have to prepare yourself to not get what you need to accomplish done. If I was wise I'd bring someone with me in case something heavy needs to be lifted. (keep in mind you could trigger a migraine at any second) I pick the largest store in closest proximity that will carry as much of my list as possible. (shortest drive home if I get too tired or my head starts to feel like it's going to explode) I start off with my carriage and list getting my must haves first starting with produce, then the butcher, then getting my odds and ends between, then hitting up the dairy last. I decide however that I need a case of water so I lift it onto my cart. No big deal. (wrong!)  I finish shopping and while I'm unloading the contents of my cart at the register it starts... the pain, irritating, dull and throbbing at the base of my skull and behind my eye. A cluster headache. A neurological phenomena that is so rare that there is no treatment. Always effects one eye, and is similar to that of a migraine. You now muster up all the energy you have to unload that carriage to get the hell out of that store. Hanging off the cart I get to my  vehicle tossing the bags as quickly as my body will let me. And get in the car. Now the dull pain has become searing pain through the side of your head in to your eye. (choke down some Advil) I cannot begin to express how exhausted and sick to your stomach you are now and you're rushing to get home. Home at last... now what? Car is full of groceries and you're ready to become narcoleptic and your head is going to spontaneously combust. I pry myself out of the car and pack mule all the groceries inside. I sort all the fridge items out and put them away. If I'm feeling daring I'll put the other items away or I may need to leave them until I'm done resting.

Fibromyalgia is not just nerve pain, it's muscular-skeletal pain, stiffness, mood swings (that to you may seem random but chances are pain is a factor.), it's joint damage, and bizarre headaches. Fibromyalgia takes ordinary people and makes them yoga doing, mind over matter masters. Because, the one thing about Fibro is you CANNOT stop, you can't give in to it, because then you lose your ability to do. Fibro is pushing yourself above and beyond, and living life for all it is worth, because giving in to it is like signing your own metaphorical death sentence. It's not just the ability to block out pain, but to live consciously knowing that you can't stop even if you have to pick and choose what you need to do in order to miss nothing. Fibromyalgia is a painful, beautiful, misunderstood gift that I would not wish on anyone.

That is a lot to take in. Like I said in the beginning, do not give me your pity, I do not want it. Rather think about it. Someone doing their groceries looks normal, not sickly. Just because someone doesn't appear ill doesn't mean they aren't battling an inner demon. When I say I'm staying in because I'm tired, or I seem listless, or moody, maybe I've had a rough day/week and mind over matter just isn't cutting it. Compassion goes a long way. Understanding a reason when you don't understand the cause is the biggest lesson in companionship you can learn aside from unconditional love. So the next time you go to say "they don't look sick", think before you speak. Even if you still don't understand Fibromyalgia, if you take away anything from this, let it be the age old saying "don't judge a book by its cover."

Making a Comeback

I started this blog last year as a way to inspire and give incite to the hidden treasures of the world around me. Mainly as a food critique blog. That never happened. In fact I forgot I even started this adventure. So here I am, back almost a year later to try this again. I've decided to make a conscious effort to post every day. I've been making large steps to better myself and those inside my little bubble. I'm going to refrain from limiting myself in my posts, no topic shall be off topic. Rather, I plan to share as much as I can about everything I am enriching my life with.

In the last year I have taken on the job of a full time nanny, enrolled for my master groomers certificate, and became a major advocate for detoxifying our lives and promoting all things pure and natural. (Don't be alarmed I'm far from a crunchy hippie.) But, you will learn more of that as we progress.

I'm far from your typical hopeless romantic, though that is not to say I'm not one. Valentine's Day is not a holiday I tend to buy in to. In fact I have this terrible guilt and self loathing that takes over every year when I step in to the store to pick out that perfect Hallmark card. In the back of my mind the little voice is going "you're supporting a card holiday...stop it!". So yesterday I made the plunge and bought the card for my sweetheart. $9.00 later I knew that I needed to do something special.

I set out on Pinterest to find the perfect "DIY gifts to make for him", you know the man that has everything and doesn't eat refined sugars so the ol'box of chocolates just wont do. As much as I love Pinterest I find that I just end up picking too many projects and going overboard. Welllllllll.... I might have but oh well.

First I stumbled upon a brown paper gift bag over flowing with tissue paper, you guessed it, tied up with string. The endearing "Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String...." "Here are a few of your favorite things" project took hold. I didn't even click the image to pin it or read what goodies they stuffed in it for their spouse. I just went on a shopping spree.
My bag ended up containing:

• Bar & Chain Oil for his chain saw (his favorite toy)
• paracord for his hunting bag and other various projects
• zip ties because well it's the one thing he always needs and never has
• Pay Days & Reeses (they're his favorite even though he isn't supposed to eat them)
• Silk Roses (a gag gift more or less)
• A turkey tote because my man likes to hunt
• A rubber ducky nail brush because he insisted on using mine on the eggs and broke it...
• A Mechanics's sponge (didn't know such a thing existed, but again more of a novelty gag gift)
• handmade trinkets of love

I'm sure I will add more to it, but for now that is the contents. Which leads me to my next project....

In his bag he will find 3 fabulous handmade sentiments:

Open When Envelopes. I will not tell you what they have inside them for that ruins the genuine sentiment behind it, but I will tell you what I chose for Open When.... topics.

• When you miss me
• When you need a hug & kiss
• When you need a reminder of why you love me
• When you need a reminder of why I love you
• When you need to talk to me
• When I'm sad and you don't know what to do
• When you need a smile
• When you want to know my dreams for our future
• When you need to be reminded why we're worth fighting for
• When you're feeling insecure
• Before you fall asleep at night

I've seen the open when envelopes a million times, and I love the idea. I will tell you to be creative though don't just write little notes, add a memory.

Next I made 52 reasons why I love you cards. First of all this is not for someone that hates writing. It is tedious and time consuming, and not because you need 52 reasons but you're writing on playing cards. I bought a cheap deck of cards from the dollar store for this project and whipped out my oil paint sharpie. I don't suggest doing this for your boyfriend if you've been together for a short period of time. This is one of those take every little thing you know about them and make it known type thing. On the last Joker card which makes 54 I wrote "I love that I can name more than 52 things I love about you." Cute and cheesy, just the type of thing that makes him love me. But it was true I could have written a book last night as to all the reasons I love him. Men say women are complicated, pfffft ask a wife or long term girlfriend all the reasons they stay with their man, and learn just how complicated men are.

Last but not least! I bought one of those little kid ABC picture books and used each letter to start a sentence that applied to him or us. It got a little tricky when it came to x and z but I managed. Again a pinterest idea that I really didn't do much with aside from look at a picture and go "oh that's cute".

The moral of the story, this is the stuff that my honey loves. He hates when I go out and buy him stuff. He tells me all the time he doesn't need more "stuff". It's the sentimental, thought out, "Hey I appreciate you gifts" that he loves.

Let me know what you do for your sweetheart. If you've done similar projects or the same projects, what did you put in them?

Critiquing is Critical But I Never Take It Literal : An Introduction

At the ripe young age of 20-something the world tends to find ample disregard for the thoughts and opinions of an unseasoned mind. Today, I set forth with a plan to change that. In the posts that will soon follow this introduction you will be taken on an adventure, my adventure.

For starters I shall give your a brief insight in to my world and who I am.

No my name really is not Sin, rather it is a beautiful Gaelic name that most slaughter and so the first 3 letters have seemingly been taken on as a life long nickname. So sorry if it offends you. I like to break stereotypes and vast abundance of narrow minded thinkers. I own a pit bull, I'm in school to become a Vet Tech, and I have the most lovely, and phenomenal boyfriend on the face of the planet. Pretty normal stuff right there. I love to farm, some might call me a hippie or a redneck. I take those things as a compliment to my laid back resourceful nature. Any who...

Continuing on.... (You will most likely find my thought processes chaotic, and maybe a little neurotic but that's ok, picture a butterfly floating around, carefree, yep... that's me)

I, like most people, LOVE food. I like how it's plated. I like picking out the various ingredients, textures, and flavors. I do not however think most people eat that way. For me chow time is an experience. That's why as you read on you will find my reviews on the most palatable dishes, desserts, and miscellaneous food stuffs, and the worst dishes you could possibly try.

With that said, who doesn't enjoy a good DRINK!? I'm not even talking about just the alcoholic ones but just those delicious concoctions that make your mouth water. I will address those too, I will probably talk more about beverages than food.

Lastly, like most young females, I enjoy a good shopping spree. Not any old shopping spree though, y'all can keep your big department stores, I'm talking about little shops off the beaten trail. My mother introduced me to the world of antiquing. Not only that but she has this knack for finding these little hole in the wall places. If people have internal GPS' we were equipped to find treasure. I will review some oldies, and all the new ones we quite literally stumble upon along the way.

Hopefully I have not scared you off. If you are ready to bare with me and my close knit entourage for some quirky encounters, a dash of crazy, and a bit of extraordinary: Then welcome to Simply SinMarie!